So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
