i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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