Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
