No subtext here. People are naked.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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