i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
