There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
