Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm always down for nudity.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize