Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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