"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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