In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
