There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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