she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
