I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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