I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
