My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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