if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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