please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize