Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
