So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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