It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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