If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
