some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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