I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize