All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
