My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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