Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
