woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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