he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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