you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
