haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize