So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
