saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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