I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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