You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
