I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
