Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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