i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
