What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you didnt know i had herpes?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize