She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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