shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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