She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
