Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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