Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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