I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
