Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
