maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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