this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
