my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
