I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
