I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
