Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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