I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
