Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
