I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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