so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
