Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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