last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The air was thick with penises
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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