Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
