i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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