my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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