I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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