i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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