I skipped work to stalk him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize