I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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