Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
