Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
