I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
