Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
