Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
