Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
